Sunday, October 14, 2012

mood swings + Family= Pissed off infertile.

I am really getting sick of these emotional days. While driving today I was getting really pissed off at the other drivers, like really pissed. I imagined myself as a NASCAR bumping and drafting people to get them the hell out of my way. I finally make it home to go up to Jon's uncles house for his birthday party. my sister and brother in law come and pretty soon after start telling the family they are expecting again...this will be their 3rd...we started trying before they conceived their 2nd. Although I already knew this still stung a bit, I had to walk out of the room because truthfully I was still really in a pissed off mood from driving home from work earlier and didn't want to be bitter and possibly say something I didn't mean. I really hope this IVF works for us cause I really won't be able to deal with my sister in laws pregnancy otherwise. Although in all fairness I did tell her that I would be distant because it would be hard for me when she mentioned her and brother in law trying again. that was a whole mess of a fight I really don't want to get into. Needless to say it was a messy fight where feelings got hurt and possibly are still hurt...on my end.
I am getting fat again, I have 10ish pounds to lose so I'm not considered overweight anymore. I have been eating my feelings lately and it fucking sucks. My sister in law is also maybe 120 lbs so while she will look like one of those cute pregnant ladies (even after 2 kids already) I will look like a god damn house. Sister in law is also showing some now, and said she had dreams there were twins. Twins don't run in her family and no sane person would wish for them, but I feel like our pregnancy if achieved will pale in comparison if we get pregnant with a singleton. I think she said it because she thinks we are definitely transferring 2 eggs for our transfer and she doesn't want us having twins.
Yes, some how things are a competition and believe me it didn't start on my part. So I got myself rilled up again so I think it's time for me to get off and go relax, knitting should do the trick.

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