Depression

Last night I felt more depressed than I have felt in a long time. My husband and I when we got out of high school got an apartment together. It was hard living together for the first time and figuring out how to live with another person and pay bills so needless to say it was stressful. He ended up breaking up with me and moving out. I was devastated and this was the last time I had felt this bone numbing can't eat or sleep depression. Obviously we got back together, eventually got married and have a healthy relationship. but I hate having that feeling again, it is something I don't  know how to get passed. My nurse did call me back and she said I will be starting BCP's with my next period and they do think they will have a plan for me soon so that is a ray of hope and with starting the BCP I won't feel like I am sitting around waiting and not doing anything.
Even though it is the holiday season I really hope to take off the 20 lbs I have been working on for a while now. through out our IVF cycle I put on almost 10lbs and I really would like to take that off before the next cycle so that is my focus before the next cycle. Plus my coaching starts Monday so that will keep me really busy as well. I am thankful that the mini break will be happening during the holidays so time will fly by.
I have to add as well that Jon has been AWESOME through this. He does not share his feelings at all and I just started crying when I found out about the immature eggs. He didn't say anything at first just hugged me and than said we will keep trying and this isn't it for us. I asked him if he was ready to go in January and he said he was ready when I was. He knows how much it hurts to be around his sister in law for me right now and he constantly rubbed my arm or held my hand. He is my rock and I know he is hurting too, but he has been taking care of me. I can say that even though we have dealt with this our relationship is so much stronger because of it. I love this man to death and it sometimes takes hard stuff like this to happen for me to realize how much I really do appreciate him.