IVF # 3.....

Has begun! I started taking my Lupron shots Friday morning and will be having a baseline appointment on the 26 to make sure I'm all set to start stims. 

I thought I would also include what I really have to do through out my cycle to rep and actually do for the IVF cycle. So above is what I take every morning to prepare for a cycle. The stuff on the spoon is called Royal jelly. I've mentioned it before, it's supposed to help with egg quality and health. The small white pill is birth control, ironically I have to take it to get pregnant. The dark brown thin pills are coq-10, it's also supposed to be for overall egg health. 

Metformin is the bigger round pill and again that's for cycle and egg health. And lastly is the light brown pills. Those are prenatal pills for my overall health and (hopefully) baby's health. 

I take one more metformin pill at night so it really is an all day thing.   

With the upcoming cycle, comes more stress

So going into this cycle I thought we were going to be on less meds my doctor said quality over quantity. I agreed

But still I wanted to make sure we had enough eggs to work with. The only good thing was going to be less money for meds. I was wrong of course, i am on the same dosage as last time, that means coming up with $2000 in the next month. Ugh, I wish things weren't so expensive and hard! I have no idea where I will come up with this money. Hopefully I will have some meds donated from my nurse like last time. 

I also have a call into a couple of different loan offices specific for infertility so hopefully I will get things figured out really soon. I just stopped birth control I'm on 1500 mg of metformin and will be getting blood work done next week while I'm on my period. I start birth control back up next weekend and then 2 weeks later start meds! 

Dates, dates, we've got dates!

We have dates for IVF #3!! I can't believe it's actually coming quickly. I have some regular blood work to do next week when my pills are done. Then I start another pack of birth control pills next weekend. I stay on those till June 14th which is when I start my suppressant Lupron. I start my stims the 29th of June and looks like IVF procedure the week of July 8th! 

I can't believe how close this is. I'm a little freaked out but I have a really good feeling about this cycle so I'm trying to stay optimistic! 

The day many infertile women dread....mothers day.

I'm not sure how I feel personally on Mother's Day. The past 4 I have just thought " next year I will be celebrating Mother's Day with my own baby." And of course as you know that still hasn't happened. I don't need things to be about me, but when every other woman in my families is being honored, it sucks when it's about something you want the most. This year I'm sad, but I'm so hopeful for my next cycle so I'm trying not to dwell on this too much. All I can do is really be thankful for the awesome role model mothers I have in my life. My mom and my step mom :) 

DH's DNA fragmentation test..

When Jon and I went to see the new RE she had us immediatly order a sperm analysis to test Jon's sperm for DNA fragmentation. We were able to order a kit to do at home and the lab would send dry ice that day. So the day comes and my husband does the test right before work. He comes in when he is finished and says he doesn't know if they will get anything because the sample was so small. So I went and looked at it and freaked out! There was like nothing in there! So an hour later I was pain stakingly trying to get every last drop into the vials. I sent it out that day with no hope at all that they would get anything. I posted on the infertility board I frequent and said I was nervous about it. They all made a good point, they don't need much since they aren't looking for numbers just fragmentations.

So fast forward to Friday and I got the call that Jon's sperm is normal!! No fragmentation issues!! This was awesome to hear, it's not often that we get some good news. At this point I am definitley feeling good about our cycle coming up in probably July.

I am currently taking a egg quality "cocktail" the RE that we went to for a second opinion put both Jon and I on CoQ-10 and I did a lot of research on Royal Jelly. Royal Jelly is mixed in bee pollen in the gel I take. I have read great results from different places especially how the ladies had much better mature egg quality which is my problem. Plus if my doctor starts me on Metformin I should be in pretty good shape! I am getting really excited for the next cyle.

Things only an infertile would get....

Today on the infertility board I frequent, a woman came for advice on how to be sensitve to her sister in law who has been trying for 5 years. First, this post irked me because she was saying how blessed she was to get pregnant right off and how she has a beautiful son now and how she doesn't know if she should wait to have number 2 till sister in law and her hubby get pregnant or decided to adopt. this bothers me because while yes, all babies are blessings and miracles, the pregnancies are not. When I get pregnant after 3 years and using all the medical means the infertile world has to offer, than it’s a friggin miracle. And about not having another till they get a child, that’s just silly, the sister in law would feel guilty and it would give you more of resentment for the sister in law which brings me to point 2.

`Second,  she says that she is hurt that sister in law hasn’t come to spend time with her son. She is the aunt and should be there. Well let me tell you something. No one owes your child or you anything. Just because you had him and she is his aunt does not mean she always has to be around. This really annoys me because I have dealt with it also. Until you go through the pain of not being able to get pregnant and wanting something so bad, you do not get to tell me how to feel. As a matter of fact you NEVER get to tell me how to feel. See this is the problem everybody thinks they’re entitled to something and that everyone owes them something. They think because they have children the family revolves around them. Guess what? It is does not. Only you and your partner’s lives revolve around your child certainly not mine or my husbands. I hate being made to feel like I owe time to someone.

                Another thing that was not in the post, but still bugs the hell out of me, having family holidays revolve around certain families that have children. My life doesn’t revolve around your children (like stated before) it is the holiday’s things that come once a year. If your child doesn’t have a nap at the same time as every other day it isn’t going to kill them, and its rude to make things all about you…again.

 

So maybe I am being hard at these easy baring children family members, but I am justifying my actions by blaming my medication that I am taking to gear up to do a cycle and try to get pregnant with the children I may never have,  give me a break.

1st day of our IVF cycle

Took my first Lupron shot today!! It’s like surreal, I can’t believe we are finally gearing up for our IVF and this is really happening! I got everything ready and was set to go and all of the sudden I chickened out. Jon wasn’t home so he couldn’t help me; I was all on my own. I ended up putting the Med back in the vial and started over. When I finally poked myself I was actually kind of embarrassed because I couldn’t even feel the needle go in.  I got a horrible burning and swelling from the HCG shot when I did my IUI in May so I was a little worried how this would be. I couldn’t even see where I put the needle in! I did have some redness and a very little burning, but nothing like the HCG. I also had minimal side effects just a small headache and I am feeling some mild hot flashes now.  1 day down and about 26 more to go for injections!

                I also have been thinking about how I want to tell family that we are pregnant. I haven’t really let myself daydream like this before because it was too painful. Now that I feel we actually have a chance of getting pregnant I have been thinking about it a lot. I thought we would do like a photo album and say something like “guess what? We’re pregnant!” but I don’t see that happening.  My mother in law now knows, my mom knows we are starting soon and my sister in law now knows so I don’t think we will be able to get away with not telling them right off. The women who do know I am happy knows because they will be my support system. They are the 3 women I am closes too, well and my sisters, I just haven’t had a chance to tell them yet.  My father in law also knows, but that’s because he is Jon’s boss, he needs to know for appointment reasons.

                So now the family does know and I really hope there isn’t a disappointing ending to our story.