Well, I knew that was coming...,

Negative beta today. I knew it was coming so I did have some time to prepare. Surprisingly I am ok. Jon has been nothing short of amazing. He is truly my rock and I love him to death. He is hurting and still thinks of me and how I am doing first. I am so lucky to have this man in my life. Now where do we go from here? We have decided to go for a second opinion and I am excited for this, I really feel good about the new clinic and will be setting up an appointment tomorrow. We will also go to our follow up appointment with the current RE just to see what she has to say, but I do think we will be moving on.
So that is where we are at now.

4dp3dt

The cramps have finally stopped, well for the most part. I have some twinging around my right ovary and some pressure around my pelvic area. I'm still bloated, but that is the only sign of OHSS that I have had. I did test out my trigger Sunday at 8 days past trigger and it was gone. I am going to try and hold out on testing until Thursday or Friday...maybe. I have plenty of cheapies to hold me over. Still not feeling like this worked. I really don't want to get my hopes up and be disappointed.

3dp3dt

And I am not feeling hopeful at all. I originally thought that I would be ok in the 2ww if I ever got to it. I am "considered" pregnant, as in there are fertilized eggs inside of me. I thought I would be able to deal with the 10 days or so till beta. Well, I was wrong. every little thing I do makes me think I am making it harder for the embryos to implant, and I'm worried about the state of my ovaries and developing OHSS because my doctors were worried about it.
I'm also a little worried about my Dr. telling me we need genetic testing if we don't get pregnant this IVF because she is far fetching that Jon may have an extra y-chromosome and therefore need donor sperm, no shit, when I'm laying there about to explode because I need to pee so bad, she tells me that she thinks there is something wrong with Jon's sperm. So now I have been freaking out about that too. Jon is very much opposed to donor sperm, and although I want to carry my own child, I can't force something like that. So that isn't an option so adoption is the only option and it would take a while to save up. So it would be years before I would get a family. And that saddens me.
Jon and I did decide that we might go for a second opinion with another RE, I don't like how my RE, even though I like her, came about the genetic testing. I also think something needs to change with my cycle. I had 21 eggs and not even half were mature, last time I didn't have mature eggs either and they didn't do anything to change the protocol just added more medication and put me in danger of getting OHSS.

All and all I am way overwhelmed with IF right now and not very hopeful. Hopefully I am proven wrong :(

PUPO

We are PUPO!! We put back 1 grade B embryo and 1 Grade C embryo. I am hoping and praying they stick around. I went in for my 11AM appointment with a VERY full bladder as requested. I have been really bloated with gas recently so my stomach was hurting. I asked the nurse if I could pee just a little to take the edge off and they let me. I was still uncomfortable while they did the transfer and could not calm down, I was way tense and so uncomfortable. The transfer its self was pretty quick and as soon as they were done my Dr inserted a catheter to relieve me. It was the best feeling in the world lol.

while laying there they did tell me that they wish the embryos were of better quality, but all hope is definitely not lost. My ovaries also caused some concern, they are large and do have some fluid around them so they are worried about me getting OHSS.
For now I am Pregnant and just praying we get our take home baby out of this.

Here we go...

So I had my ER on Tuesday, and they got 21 eggs!! I was and am still in pain. I'm feeling a bit of pressure, but I have no other symptoms if OHSS so that's good.
Now unfortunately out of the 21 only 8 were mature and only 3 fertilized. I was really hoping for more. After talking to the nurse today I found out that all 3 are still growing and doing well!

Sooo ET is set for tomorrow at 11am! I am still nervous and probably won't relax until I have my embies in me. Jon and I did decide to put 2 back in. FX this works!

ER day...

Jon and I got here pretty early so now it's just a waiting game. Since I couldn't eat or drink I am now starving and really thirsty. I'm not freaking out yet, but I'm sure as soon as I walk in there I will be. Ughh deep breathing!

Tomorrow's the day!

And I'm nervous as all hell. I'm worried we will have a bad outcome again. Jon gave me my trigger shot inter muscularly last night and it hurts like a bitch today. We leave at 6:00 am tomorrow for an 8:00am retrieval! So nervous!

And it's a go!

Just got the call from my nurse, I have about 5 mature eggs now and my E2 is 2000. They wanted most of the eggs to be really mature and ready before ER and it looks like we are there! Jon will be giving me my HCG shot tomorrow night and ER will be Tuesday! I am extremely nervous after last time, but I am also optimistic after seeing so many great follies today!

Monitoring appointment

Went in for my monitoring appointment which consisted of ultrasounds, blood work, and talking to the nurse. The ultrasound showed I had 29 eggs! 10 to 15 being measurable. The measurable eggs were between 17 and 14! I had 8 measurable follies last time so I am really happy with these. My E2 was 1452 I believe. So I am going back in tomorrow for another monitoring appointment and it looks like ER will be Tuesday!

I'm a little nervous it being on a Tuesday again. Everything looks better this time so I am hoping and praying everything goes well. I am much more sore this time I feel bloated and just uncomfortable. Jon has a Christmas party tomorrow and thank goodness I have a forgiving dress!

Update

Quick note, had E2 checked today and I'm at 239 after 5 days of stimming. This time last cycle I was at about the same after 7 days of stimming so this is good. My nurse said to leav everything the same and I go back for blood work and an ultrasound on Friday. FX that everything works out!