3dp3dt

And I am not feeling hopeful at all. I originally thought that I would be ok in the 2ww if I ever got to it. I am "considered" pregnant, as in there are fertilized eggs inside of me. I thought I would be able to deal with the 10 days or so till beta. Well, I was wrong. every little thing I do makes me think I am making it harder for the embryos to implant, and I'm worried about the state of my ovaries and developing OHSS because my doctors were worried about it.
I'm also a little worried about my Dr. telling me we need genetic testing if we don't get pregnant this IVF because she is far fetching that Jon may have an extra y-chromosome and therefore need donor sperm, no shit, when I'm laying there about to explode because I need to pee so bad, she tells me that she thinks there is something wrong with Jon's sperm. So now I have been freaking out about that too. Jon is very much opposed to donor sperm, and although I want to carry my own child, I can't force something like that. So that isn't an option so adoption is the only option and it would take a while to save up. So it would be years before I would get a family. And that saddens me.
Jon and I did decide that we might go for a second opinion with another RE, I don't like how my RE, even though I like her, came about the genetic testing. I also think something needs to change with my cycle. I had 21 eggs and not even half were mature, last time I didn't have mature eggs either and they didn't do anything to change the protocol just added more medication and put me in danger of getting OHSS.

All and all I am way overwhelmed with IF right now and not very hopeful. Hopefully I am proven wrong :(