Over thinking..

I was thinking today about all the medications I am putting into my body, what they do to my body and how women in my position have literly given everything to have a baby. I have to plan out when I will be able to take my meds and if I need to be somewhere how to bring them with me. I mentioned before that I am a cheerleading coach and we have a game on Wednsday, it will be durning the time I need to take my stims. So I don't freak out, I just remind myself to pack all my supplies in a lunch box with an ice pack. I am reminded of the time I had to shoot up in the bathroom at my school one night when I had class. One of my classmates walked in. I told her that I wasn't a druggie, just taking my meds! I am sick of the way the meds make me feel. I have horrible headaches from the Lupron and I became very forgetful this last time, I couldn't even remember where I parked when I went to Walmart two weeks ago. I have already stared feeling the "pulls" of my uterus from the stimulants.

Now I am doing all this in the hopes that it won't be for nothing, that I will have a healthy beautiful baby out of all of this. It's a gamble, but a risk I am willing to take.

And the stims begin!

Started my stimulation medication tonight. I am feeling pretty good because I saw I  already have a good start with my follies when I went to my ultrasound Wednesday. I was of course over analyzing the entire thing.  I drew up 1/2Ml of solution and mixed 2 vials of Menopur, I than added 150iu into the same syringe so I have only one shot I do with all my stims in one. when I looked at the medication in the syringe it was still only around 1/2 Ml mark. This worried me a little bit. I just hope I am getting enough medication. I am assuming yes considering all my meds were doubled this time. Oh well, I just need to stop over analyzing this whole process.

Happy Holidays and hopefully a great new year!

I made it through Christmas yay!! Some women were talking on The Bump about dreading Christmas and I thought it was strange, well that was until Christmas day. No one was rude or anything it was just sad that I was going through another Christmas with out a baby. My SIL is pregnant again and that was fine, it's just sad and frustrating to be at this place again.

I have been on Lupron for about 2 weeks now and I had a baseline ultrasound yesterday. The nurse found about 5 follies on my right side and probably 4 on my left! I was a little freaked out that I have only been on Lupron and I produced multiple follies. They were a little worried because the biggest was almost 8mm so they sent me for an estridal blood draw. Of course this was near the end of the day so I didnt know what to think. I ended up caving and calling my nurse when I didn't hear anything by 10:30. It was 33!! That means I am good to go to start my stims on Saturday EKK!!!

I am so ready to be off this rollercoaster..

I am so effin sick of IF, for real. I was all set to go. I was supposed to start Lupron this Friday, Stims on the 29th and ER the week of Jan 7th. But no, why would things be easy for us? our insurance has a lifetime max on our meds. a LIFETIME max. That means that they will never cover our meds again. when does the insurance company and pharmacy figure this out? YESTERDAY!!! and they didn't call me, I had to ride their asses to get my information. The bill? $3,500. After finagling and dropping some things it still came out to $1760. The stimming med Menopur was $58 a vial...I need 16 so yea it adds up.   So I called my nurse up at DART ( the hospital I go to for IF) and she said if I just hold off a month she can start stashing donated meds for me mainly the Menopur. I really don't have a choice so I said yea fine.

However, I have been given a heads up from some very wonderful ladies that I can take donated meds from else where. I am excited because any little bit helps and is less money we will have to pay out of pocket. so fingers crossed things will work out. otherwise I am pushed off again till Feb/March which really sucks cause we are supposed to go away for our anniversary the second week of March. we have been looking forward to this, we really need this time away. But if we are pushed off, treatment would most likely be around the time we are going away. so again FX things work out!!